Stagnant...

Yes, the title and the picture says it all.  Stagnant is the way I am feeling lately, going no where, doing nothing important. It was going great for a while, doing new things, starting new projects and now it seems I am falling into my same old routine.  I don't want to go backwards, I need to move forward.  Keep moving forward, I need to keep saying that to myself.  

I don't really know why I am feeling this way, well I guess I do.  I am feeling quite uninspired as of late and nothing I do seems to be right, I am doubting myself again, wondering if I am doing the right thing.  I feel like sometimes I have all of the balls up in the air and everything is going great and then one falls and everything comes crashing down.  The self doubt starts in and takes over, yes I am not a very confident person, I second guess everything.  What if everything just comes crashing down on me, what will I do then, will I give up or pick myself up dust myself off and carry on.  Most likely I will give up, I have a problem with follow through and I know that.  School was unfinished, decorating projects not done, ideas I have never followed through on, my goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year have fallen by the wayside.  Why do I do this, why do I let myself get this way.  I am starting to think I need professional help...

Rain, Rain Go Away...

I know we need the rain here but it has been cloudy and depressing all week and I want to see the sun, maybe it will improve my mood. I have been down in the dumps all week plus being sick so with all of my down time I have been doing some soul searching and I am realizing that I am not happy with the direction my life is going. I need something new, something different, but I have no clue as to what that is, so I do what I do best and hide, yes you can imagine me cowering in my bed hiding under the covers waiting for this to pass because I fear where it will take me. I am not always the bitchy, snark of a girl everyone sees, no, I am a self conscious, doubting girl underneath it all, wishing I had all the confidence to go out and pursue something new. I am working on it though, I am researching and taking notes in my head of things that I would like to do and I have several things in my head, what I do know though is that I don't like to sit in a classroom and sit for hours on end, I want something hands on, so now I sit and wonder what that will be and hope and pray that it will be good for me.

Now for lighter subjects, I have also been reading lots this week and have come across some great FF stories: Mood Ring
is a Jasper/Bella pairing it is really angsty in the beginning but gets better.
House of the Rising Sun is a Edward/Bella pairing and it is different than the usual, Edward has a rare genetic disease and Bella is trying to help him with it. It is also full of Angst and starts out with Bella and Jacob as a couple. As you can see I have been full of Angst this week so what I read goes with my moods.

Hope the rest of your Sunday is bright and shiny, I am staying in my PJ's and curled up on the sofa with my laptop in my lap waiting for the rain to come to an end, you all might need to send in an ark later if it doesn't stop, I will keep you all informed.

Ok 1 Pic to feed my Rob Addiciton