Stagnant...

Yes, the title and the picture says it all.  Stagnant is the way I am feeling lately, going no where, doing nothing important. It was going great for a while, doing new things, starting new projects and now it seems I am falling into my same old routine.  I don't want to go backwards, I need to move forward.  Keep moving forward, I need to keep saying that to myself.  

I don't really know why I am feeling this way, well I guess I do.  I am feeling quite uninspired as of late and nothing I do seems to be right, I am doubting myself again, wondering if I am doing the right thing.  I feel like sometimes I have all of the balls up in the air and everything is going great and then one falls and everything comes crashing down.  The self doubt starts in and takes over, yes I am not a very confident person, I second guess everything.  What if everything just comes crashing down on me, what will I do then, will I give up or pick myself up dust myself off and carry on.  Most likely I will give up, I have a problem with follow through and I know that.  School was unfinished, decorating projects not done, ideas I have never followed through on, my goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year have fallen by the wayside.  Why do I do this, why do I let myself get this way.  I am starting to think I need professional help...

My goals and Tasks for the weekend

Many of you know that I am in the process of trying to change things in my life for the better and in order to do that I need Schedules, to-do lists, goals and tasks written out to follow or I am not going to adhere to it and fall into the chasm that I fell into last year which was fear, self loathing, denial and sadness.  So I am turning over an new leaf to get myself organized and control back over my life and not let all the crap take over again.  This weekend will be a weekend of organization, reorganization, cleaning, de-cluttering, schedule, goal and task making and planning for my future.  Whew that is a lot of things to get done this weekend, I will try to get most of those things done but I do know one thing, they won't get done if I get sucked into all the lovely activities on my laptop (twitter, Facebook, Fan Fiction, Rob news, etc) so after this post I am closing my laptop today even though there are about 25 fan fiction updates in my inbox begging to be read.  Ok I won't think about them, yeah right.  I am off now to accomplish some of what I have set out to do today, wish me luck